“It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same
time.”
—Wayne Dyer
In talking with couples about their
wedding plans, I often ask them to share with me the qualities that attracted
them to one another. One sentiment I hear often is “He/She makes me laugh.”
Over time the laughter may fade. In “Part One” of this article by Lisa Gerard,
she shares personal examples of how laughter has oiled the wheels of her
marriage train.
Using Laughter in Your Marriage: Part 1
Sounds
easy. Knowing when to use laughter is the hard part. When times get tough in a
marriage using laughter is just as important as anything else to keep a
marriage going. Laughter helps put situations into perspective. Couples that
laugh together, live together longer.
Because
most things happened after my husband left for work, he felt bad that he would
miss “firsts” with the kids,. I decided not to tell him when the kids did anything
for the first time. The next day when they repeated whatever their first was
with him, I acted excited. After a few of these special occasions, he
discovered I already knew. He was upset with me for not telling him and
wondered what else he was missing that I didn’t share. Really? I honestly
didn’t think I was keeping anything from him, but I guess I was.
This
created a minor disagreement. Which ended shortly after I said I would video
tape our entire day and he could watch it when he got home every morning. After
a long pause, he laughed. The use of laughter revealed the absurdity of the
situation, easing our tensions and bringing a renewed sense of togetherness.
Laughter
Brings Perspective: When things happen that are bad but not devastating, look for
the positive. The bad that could have been, didn’t happen, so be grateful and then
find the humor.
Our
eldest daughter was learning to drive. It was a beautiful spring day, perfect
for running errands. I decided to let our daughter drive my husband’s car — my
SUV was bigger and newer. She did a great job all day. We arrived home, and she
drove up the driveway to the garage. The door opened, she drove forward and
caught the left wheel well quarter panel on the garage doorframe and buckled
the quarter panel from the fender to the door. The sound was horrible. She
freaked out when she couldn’t open the door, and I imagined the worst.
I
got out and looked at the garage — nothing. I turned around and looked at the
car. Wow! The damage to the car was more than I expected. My daughter walked around
in a panic, crying uncontrollably. After I calmed myself, I shook my head and
said: “Well, at least it didn’t happen on the street. You didn’t hit another
car and we had a great day.”
After
a while, I calmed her down, that is, until she told her dad what happened. He
was not amused, nor was he calm. Then, he yelled at me because I was with her,
and I should have helped her. Instead of getting angry and yelling back at him
for yelling at me, I started laughing. He said, “I really don’t see the humor
in this.”
I
said, “We have a two-and-a-half car garage. No other car was in the garage.
Nothing was in the way, completely clear. For some unknown reason she decides
to pull left and had plenty of room. The wheel well sticks out further than
either one of us thought. The car is twenty years old. The car door will open,
just not all the way, the engine and lights were not touched and most
importantly no one was hurt, the accident didn’t happen on the street or with
another car.”
Then
he said: “Why didn’t she just move forward.”
“Because
that would have made sense and then the accident wouldn’t have happened, and we
wouldn’t be having this conversation.”
He
admitted that he was upset at the damage, but very happy that it wasn’t what it
could have been. Then he laughed and said, “Well she is your daughter.”
To
which I quickly reminded him, “Yes, well, it takes two dear.”
Laughter
allowed us to gain perspective. No one was injured, and things could have been
worse. She could have been driving my
car.
My
husband knows every song from the beginning of time and would often sing them
to me. I’m honestly astounded at what he remembers. Some songs he sings to me
at inappropriate times. Times that I am not in a good mood and really don’t
want to hear him. One morning I was fussing at him for something he obviously
did or didn’t do and it put me in a lousy mood even though we were getting
ready to go to the ball game. On that too hot day, we parked on the fourth
floor of the garage in the middle of town nowhere near the stadium.
I
don’t like elevators, so I refused to go down the elevator and said I was
taking the stairs. All of this added to my lousy mood. My husband silently
followed me to the stairs. As soon as we set foot in the stairwell he decided
to sing to me all the way down the stairs as we passed strangers. I was
mortified and wanted to hide. His singing echoed around us, across the street,
and all the way to the stadium.
Did
I mention I was in a foul mood? I walked faster but the faster and further I
got from him, the louder he sang. He didn’t stop singing until we sat down in
our seats. I was so peeved I wouldn’t even look up. When the game finally
started, I looked over at him, and as if a switch had been flipped in my brain,
I started laughing. He smiled but didn’t say a word. Laughter — and his
irritating song — transformed my mood and we had a great time at the game. As I
said in the beginning I don’t even remember why I was irritated.
Oh,
and by the way, the song he sang and others chimed in along the way was: “I
Love you, Lisa.”
Selective
hearing will happen even in the middle of the night while the baby is crying. He
continued to sleep even when I vigorously shook him saying “It’s your turn to
get up.” This happened every night and he would not get up. No matter what I
did to wake him, smacking him with a book, poking with anything handy, putting
the alarm clock on high, not even gentle kisses and sweet talk. Nothing.
Every
day I would say something about it and he would reply “I try, I want to help.” Then
later that night, I literally pushed him with my feet out of bed and onto the
floor. It was not working. I was tired of trying to get him to help. I didn’t
want to resort to more bodily harm so I reasoned with him, and again he would
say he would try and that he wanted to help.
Finally
he said, “I’m not a night person, I’m just so tired. Okay.”
True,
he does work evenings and he isn’t a night person. And, he’s a person who needs
at least five hours of sleep to function. I, on the other hand, can function on
little or no sleep, and I prefer nights. We then agreed on a schedule that fit
our situation. After a few weeks he said, “You know, I’m not sore anymore.”
The
second way we agreed to handle his selective hearing was while he was watching television.
Instead of pouring water on him, he agreed to limit his watching. We also found
things to watch together and as a family. We compromised and agree to watch the
occasional game together — as long as he doesn’t sing. This has been working
for years now and I can’t complain.
I
can’t over emphasize the importance of compromise in the marriage relationship.
At times the way we are accustomed to doing things comes into conflict. Going
to war, battling over right and wrong, only works to bring stress and
disharmony. Peace can be restored by working out our problems with patience,
kindness, and a healthy sense of humor.
Contributed by Lisa
Gerard
Lisa Gerard offers core-strengthening
sessions daily. Strengthening sessions are non-weight bearing exercises
designed specifically per individual. Each session lasts 30 minutes and the
cost is $20/session — consultation and the first session are free. Contact Lisa through
Marriage Chaplain for more information: Pastor.2@MarriageChaplain.com or by phone: (513) 853-6180
Going
Deeper
Stop Limiting Your Happiness and Success
Discover how to remove the
underbrush in your life and maximize your happiness and success in love, career,
and life.
A Free Presentation sponsored
by Sandy’s Health Foods.
In a fast-paced interactive
presentation, Brian Eastman and Lisa Gerard will help you:
• Discover the hidden
obstacles keeping you from all the good and happiness you deserve.
• Uncover how much more Good
Life you could be having.
• Explore how the LIIFT
healing process (Life-Improvement Internal-Focus Technique) can help you
quickly remove obstacles which are keeping you from all the good you can have.
• Learn how LIIFT erases the
emotional damage of abuse or trauma.
• Remove at least one of the
obstacles to your maximum success and happiness in love, career and life.
Where:
Sandy’s Health Foods
7917 Cincinnati-Dayton Rd
West Chester, Ohio 45069
When:
Wednesday March 6, 7PM to 9PM
Space is limited. Please call
Sandy to reserve your place. 513 779 3600.
About the Presenters:
Pastor Brian Eastman studied emotional healing processes for 26 years. Then he created the
LIIFT healing process. The LIIFT process is fast, simple and changes lives
quickly. Most participants experience a positive life-change in just one
session. Brian sees LIIFT as the culmination of his life-long calling to make
the world a better place by helping people heal their lives.
For more than twenty years Lisa Gerard has helped people improve
their lives by providing life coaching and wellness coaching. A 15-year martial
arts veteran, she incorporates the spiritual aspect of martial arts training into
the guidance and healing aspects of her work. Lisa has experienced the LIIFT
process both as healer and client. She incorporates LIIFT into her Life Coach
work.
An Invitation from Pastor Eastman
Any
time you think that some one-on-one conversation might be useful in strengthening
your marriage, contact me. We know many counselors and healers who provide
great support to couples, and it is my pleasure to help you connect with
someone who is a good fit to help you move forward in your loving and working
relationship. Calling me usually gets a quicker response: 513 853 6180, but e-mail:
Pastor@OurChaplain.com or text: 513 703 8196 will also work. —Pastor Brian
Eastman
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