By Guest Blogger Julie Garmon
Saturday morning, two days before our 35th anniversary, we
sat in our rocking chairs, porch partying. I wanted to ask my husband a few
questions, but I couldn’t just blurt them out. I had to proceed delicately.
With caution.
“Remember our first Christmas?” I said. “We brought home
that Griswold Family Christmas tree and had to exchange it.”
“I still think I could’ve made it fit.”
“Maybe so.” Playing it cool, I yawned before asking my next
question. “Do you mind if I interview you about marriage? Thirty-five years is
a lotta Christmases together.”
“You know you’re going to, so go ahead.”
Yipee! I ran inside for my glasses and girl reporter steno
pad.
“First question. What’s important in marriage?”
He rocked. Drank his coffee. Rocked some more.
Maybe he’s not going to answer me.
“It’s not my stuff, your stuff,” he finally said. “Or my
money, your money. It’s us. Ours.”
“That’s good. What else?”
“Deception is a big deal. We don’t have any secrets.”
“True. In the past 35 years, what was your most difficult
time?”
“Eating gluten-free with you.” He laughed. (I have Celiac.)
“Be serious. What about building this house? That was tough,
wasn’t it?”
“That was my hardheadedness–a mechanic, building a log
house.”
That’s why I love you.
I chewed my pen. Pretended to think up a new question. ”So,
would you say we’re best friends?”
“Something like that.”
“Looking back, what were our toughest times?”
His eyes got shiny.
“Burying Robbie.” (our newborn son) “Raising teenagers.”
I felt incredibly close to him. “Is there one secret to
having a good marriage?”
“Yep.”
Ready to jot down his words, I leaned toward him. “What is
it?”
He rocked back and forth, back and forth. “Don’t be
selfish.”
“That’s it? Three words?”
“That’s it. That covers it all.”
I thanked him for the interview and closed my notebook. “You
know, you’re exactly right. Wonder why it takes years to figure this stuff out
when the answers are so simple?”
“Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you,” Matthew
7:12.
Thoughts on marriage anyone?
Love,
Julie
* * * * * *
About Julie Garmon (from
her web site)
I’m
so glad you stopped by for a visit. I write from a loft in our log cabin in the
woods. My husband built the cabin and surprised me with my very own writing
room. Diamonds aren’t this girl’s best friend.
As a child, my favorite spot in the whole world was the
library. My mother, Marion Bond West, instilled the love of words way back
then. She taught me to feel a story before writing it, almost like playing an
instrument by ear. For me, feeling deeply almost always leads to writing.
Since 2003, I’ve been blessed to be a regular contributor to
Daily Guideposts. When life makes me laugh or cry, there’s a good chance it
will transform into a devotional. In 2004, I won a spot to the coveted Guideposts writers workshop. For someone to
trust me with his or her story is an honor. I’ve been chosen to attend several
Guideposts refresher workshops based on ghostwritten stories.
My dream is to become a novelist. I’m working daily at
it–either on my computer or in my heart. My husband hung a clothesline in my
office for me. I’m busy filling it with scenes jotted on colored index cards.
And guess what? I’m even using those old-fashioned wooden clothespins. Oh, the
joys of being a writer!
(Visit Julie’s blog at JulieGarmon.com)
* * * * * *
Going Deeper
Considerate and Grateful
by Wayne Holmes
This installment of “I Still Do” brings to an end our first
year of happily-ever-after advice. We hope you have enjoyed the newsletters and
gained some helpful insights into maintaining a loving relationship. We also
want to say a special thanks to all who contributed advice to our newsletter.
In 2014 we plan to continue to offer articles and advice to help you beat the
odds.
In a few days, I have been asked to perform a renewal
ceremony for a couple’s 50th wedding anniversary. They are a lovely
couple who have, over the years, figured out the secret—at least for them—of living
together and still loving each other. I asked them for their formula for
successful. The husband summed it up in these words:
“We’re always thinking of each other and looking out for
each other. We’ve always been appreciative of each other.”
Sounds like good advice, and the first part of his advice also
sounds similar to Julie’s husband’s advice, “Don’t be selfish,” which Julie
interpreted as the same as the golden rule. The second part of the fifty-year
marriage advice, “We’ve always been appreciative of each other,” can be
summarized as gratitude.
There you have it. The Golden Rule was the secret to 35
years of a happy marriage, and add Gratitude to the mix and you have an
unbeatable formula for happily-ever-after.
In my work with Religious Recovery, I’ve found that one key
principle of nearly all religious belief systems is the golden rule or, “Don’t
be selfish.” You find it written in various ways in different religions, but
the essence is still the same: treat others as you want to be treated. Gratitude
is also a principle that is found in most religious belief systems.
The “Going Deeper” section of our newsletter was originally
included to showcase healers that do good work but that also need funding to
support their work. We plan to keep to that concept, but for this holiday
season, consider this as my gift to you. I wish you, and that special someone
in your life, all the love and joy that a relationship can bring, and I offer
to you my best advice to make that happen.
Don’t be selfish.
Be grateful.
Choose love.
* * * * * *
About Wayne Holmes:
For information about Wayne or his not-for-profit organization Religious
Recovery visit www.ReligiousRecovery.org.
Wayne also writes a column titled “S.O.S: Spiritually Oriented Solutions” for
Infinity Magazine which can be found at https://www.facebook.com/pages/Infinity-Health-Magazine/150572801647195.
* * * * * *
An invitation from
Pastor Eastman
Any time you think that some one-on-one conversation might
be useful in strengthening your marriage, contact me, Pastor Eastman, at
OurChaplain.com / MarriageChaplain.com. We know many counselors and healers who
provide great support to couples, and my job is to help you connect with someone
who is a good fit to help you move forward in your loving and working
relationships. Calling me is best because you will get a quicker response: 513 853 6180, but Pastor@OurChaplain.com or
text 513 703 8196 will also work.
